Your Self-Care Is Lying to You

90% of what people call “self-care” is a lie. Baths, candles, facials, wellness routines, posting “me time” for the ‘gram… and you? You’re still tired, stressed, anxious, overworked, and emotionally fried. You’re doing all the performative self-care and still running on empty.

The trust is self-care isn’t a cute aesthetic, it’s survival. Radical self-care is uncomfortable, boundary-heavy, and often invisible. It’s not about looking perfect while sipping tea; it’s about protecting your energy, your mind, and your soul.

🧴 Performative Self-Care: Why It Fails

You know what this looks like:

• Spending $300 on skincare products but sleeping 5 hours a night

• Journaling daily but never actually confronting your emotions

• Taking luxurious baths while saying YES to every single demand on your time

• Sharing your wellness routines on social media while secretly exhausted

Here’s the problem: these routines are surface-level fixes. They give you a dopamine hit for five minutes, a cute photo for your feed, but no long-term energy. You can’t Instagram your way into being healed.

Performative self-care is self-indulgence that looks good but doesn’t repair what’s broken inside. And the worst part? It tricks you into thinking you’re “doing enough” while you’re still running on fumes.

🌿 Radical Self-Care: What It Really Means

Radical self-care isn’t about looking good, it’s about feeling good. It’s about doing the things that actually restore your energy, reset your nervous system, and protect your boundaries.

This is what radical self-care looks like:

• Saying NO without guilt: You are allowed to decline anything that drains you, no explanations required.

• Setting boundaries: With work, family, lovers, friends. Protect your time like it’s sacred, because it is.

• Resting without distraction: No scrolling, no productivity guilt, just genuine rest.

• Emotionally processing your feelings: Journaling, therapy, or talking to a trusted friend, not just writing cute quotes in a notebook.

• Choosing solitude when needed: You don’t have to entertain everyone’s energy. Protect yours.

Radical self-care is ugly, messy, and sometimes boring, but it’s what actually heals you. It’s not a trend; it’s a lifestyle that puts your well-being first.

⚡ The Real Cost of Performative Self-Care

If you’re exhausted, anxious, or emotionally drained even while “doing all the things,” this might be why:

• You’re prioritizing Instagrammable rituals over energy restoration

• You’re avoiding uncomfortable emotions instead of processing them

• You’re addicted to being seen as “wellness-perfect” while running yourself into the ground

You can’t glow while burned out. You can’t be “self-care aesthetic” and emotionally bankrupt at the same time. Radical self-care isn’t about looking cute, it’s about being alive inside your own body again.

💌 Permission List

• Say no without guilt or explanation

• Cancel plans that don’t serve you

• Take naps, do nothing, or scroll in peace

• Prioritize your energy over everyone else’s approval

• Stop performing wellness and start actually healing

📝 Reflection Prompt

Look at your self-care routines honestly:

• Which ones leave you energized?

• Which ones leave you tired or anxious?

• What’s one thing you can say NO to this week that would actually restore you?

💬 Quote to Keep in Your Bag

"Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s how you take your power back."

🎶 Mini Music Rec

“Unforgettable” – French Montana
Babe, self-care isn’t about looking cute, it’s about feeling unforgettable in your own energy. This song hits that vibe: confident, magnetic, and unapologetically present. Let it remind you that your energy matters more than the aesthetics, and the world should remember you, not your bath bombs.

Stop performing self-care. Stop doing the rituals that make you look “well” but leave you dead inside. Radical self-care is messy, unapologetic, and invisible. It’s saying NO, taking space, resting deeply, and reclaiming your energy. It’s not cute, it’s your freedom, and it’s exactly what you deserve.

Felipa XOXO💌