The "Let them" Theory

And then... Peace.

Author

Felipa Costilla
January 26, 2026

I used to exhaust myself trying to make people understand.

Explaining my intentions.
Softening my words.
Offering new perspectives like they were gifts people just had to appreciate.

I thought if I explained better,
if I loved harder,
if I stayed patient enough

they’d finally get it.

They didn’t.

And the only person who kept bleeding in the process was me.

So let me ask you something before we go further:

How much of your energy is spent trying to change people who are perfectly comfortable staying the same?

Here’s the truth that changed everything

Most people aren’t confused.
They’re just committed to their own version of reality.

And no amount of explaining, proving, or emotional labor will make someone see life through your eyes if they don’t want to.

That’s where the Let Them theory comes in.

Not as indifference.
Not as bitterness.
But as freedom.

What “Let Them” actually means

Let them misunderstand you.
Let them choose differently.
Let them be wrong about you.
Let them act in ways you wouldn’t.

And then, here’s the part most people miss

Let yourself walk away from the responsibility of fixing it.

Because tell me:

Why do you keep taking responsibility for reactions that aren’t yours?
Why do you keep thinking it’s your job to educate, heal, or save people?

A real moment

There was a time I’d leave conversations feeling drained, replaying everything I said.

Did I explain it wrong?
Should I have said it nicer?
What if I tried one more time?

But one day it clicked:

They heard me.
They just didn’t agree.

And instead of accepting that, I kept negotiating my self-respect.

That’s when I realized something uncomfortable:

Trying to make people understand me wasn’t love.
It was self-abandonment.

So ask yourself:

Are you explaining because you care
or because you’re afraid to let go?

Why “Let Them” feels so hard at first

Because letting people be who they are means:

  • Letting go of control

  • Letting go of hope

  • Letting go of potential

  • Letting go of the version of them you wish existed

And hope can be addictive.

But let me ask you this:

Has hoping they’d change actually brought you peace?
Or has it kept you stuck, waiting, and emotionally tired?

The hidden power of letting people be

When you stop interfering, something wild happens:

You see people clearly.

Not through intention.
Not through potential.
But through behavior.

And clarity?
Clarity is peaceful.

Because when you let them:

  • You stop chasing validation

  • You stop arguing with reality

  • You stop taking things personally

  • You stop hurting yourself trying to save relationships alone

How to practice “Let Them” (without becoming cold)

This isn’t about shutting down.
It’s about self-protection.

1. Let them choose and then choose yourself

If they don’t show up, let them.
You don’t need to chase clarity.

2. Stop correcting people who don’t want to learn

Not everyone deserves access to your inner world.

3. Let reactions be information

If someone gets defensive, dismissive, or cruel, believe them.

4. Detach from outcomes

You don’t control how people grow.
You only control how long you stay.

5. Redirect your energy inward

The energy you used to explain?
Use it to build your life.

Questions you need to sit with

Don’t rush past these:

  • Who am I exhausting myself trying to change?

  • What would happen if I stopped explaining?

  • Am I holding on because I love them or because I fear the silence?

  • How much peace would I have if I just let people be who they are?

Be honest.

Why this is the most peaceful way to live

Because peace isn’t found in control.
It’s found in acceptance.

Not accepting bad behavior
accepting reality.

The moment you stop fighting what is,
you stop fighting yourself.

And babe

That’s when life gets lighter.

🎧 Song for this phase

You don’t need to convince people to treat you right.
You don’t need to explain your worth.
You don’t need to save anyone.

Let them be who they are.

And let yourself be at peace.

Felipa XOXO💌