Love vs Pain

This topic it’s something I heard a lot and also been there too.

Not heartbreak.
Not jealousy.
Not betrayal.

It’s the quiet realization that love is shrinking you.
When arguments leave bruises you can’t explain.
When their words make you question yourself.
When I love you doesn’t feel safe anymore.

If this is happening to you, read this carefully.

Because it’s not about blaming yourself.
It’s about taking your power back.

Step 1: Name the behavior

Call it what it is.

• Belittling? ✔

• Gaslighting? ✔

• Criticism disguised as “truth”? ✔

Stop spinning excuses. Stop rationalizing.
Once you identify the problem, you can stop blaming yourself for it.

Ask yourself:
“Am I responsible for their words, or their reaction?”

Step 2: Protect your emotional space

Set boundaries, immediately.

• Decide how long you’ll stay in arguments before stepping away

• Decide what topics are off-limits if they trigger emotional abuse

• Protect your mental space from endless self-doubt

This isn’t mean.
It’s self-preservation.

Ask yourself:
“If this were a friend, would I let them talk to me like this?”

Step 3: Reconnect with yourself

You’ve been bending, changing, and shrinking to survive this relationship.
Now it’s time to reclaim your identity.

• Journal or speak your truth out loud

• Do things that make you feel big, literally and emotionally

• Remind yourself of your worth outside of his reactions

Your value is not determined by his respect, or lack of it.

Step 4: Decide your limits

Ask the hard questions:

• How often can I be hurt before I stop accepting it?

• Am I staying because I love him, or because I fear the grief of leaving?

• Can this relationship grow into the respect and safety I deserve?

You don’t have to make these decisions overnight.
But you do have to define your boundaries clearly and stick to them.

Step 5: Take action (don’t just think about it)

There are three real options here:

1. Distance yourself step back emotionally and/or physically until clarity emerges

2. Communicate your boundaries clearly tell them what’s unacceptable and hold firm

3. Leave if they continue disrespecting, minimizing, or hurting you

The scariest part? The truth is liberating:
You don’t need them to see it. You need to act on it.

Step 6: Lean on your support

You don’t have to do this alone.

• Trusted friends

• Family who see your worth

• Your own inner circle (therapy, journaling, self-reflection)

No one who diminishes you deserves to be your only emotional mirror.

Step 7: Reclaim love on your terms

Love shouldn’t make you feel small.
Love should build you up.
Love should protect your emotional core.

And if your current partner can’t meet that standard?
It’s not about anger.
It’s about choosing yourself.

Ask yourself:
“Do I want love that shrinks me or love that expands me?”

🎧 Song for this phase

The Weeknd – Hurt You
A raw look at how love can still hurt even when you give everything.

You are not failing.
You are not overreacting.
You are not too much.

You are simply realizing:
Respect + safety > staying small for someone else.

And choosing that is the most powerful love you can give to yourself.

Felipa XOXO💌