Being Chosen Isn’t Enough

That would be one of my favorite newsletters, cause at the begging I thought being chosen was a flex.
Until I understand the meaning of being valued.

This is one of those things you don’t realize until you’re already deep in it.

You can be chosen.
Introduced as “my girlfriend.”
You can be loved technically.

And still feel invisible.

Still feel unseen.
Still feel like you’re constantly adjusting yourself to fit.

Because the truth is,
being chosen and being valued are not the same thing.

What being “chosen” actually feels like

Being chosen usually looks like this:

They stay.
They don’t leave.
They say “I love you.”
They claim you.

And for a while, that feels like enough. Especially if you’re loyal, patient, and emotionally invested 💔

But over time, you notice little things.

You’re always the one explaining.
You’re always the one trying to make things smoother.
You’re always the one asking for the same things, just worded differently.

And anytime you bring something up, you hear things like:

• “You’re overthinking.”

• “Why is this such a big deal?”

• “You know I care.”

• “You’re insecure.”

So you start questioning yourself instead of the situation.

What being valued actually feels like

Being valued feels… calmer ✨

Not perfect. Not dramatic. Just steady.

It feels like:

• Your feelings matter even when they’re inconvenient

• You don’t have to beg for effort

• Arguments don’t turn into character attacks

• You’re allowed to be soft without being made to feel weak

When someone values you, they don’t need you to explain your pain ten different ways.

They care because you care.

And honestly, ask yourself this:
When I’m upset, do they try to understand me or do they try to win?

That answer tells you a lot🖤

Why this messes with your head so much

This dynamic is sneaky.

Because you’re not unloved.
You’re just inconsistently cared for.

So you start:

• choosing your words carefully

• minimizing your needs

• replaying arguments in your head

• wondering if you’re “too much”

You don’t wake up insecure one day.

You slowly become quieter version of yourself.

And that’s exhausting.

A really simple way to tell where you stand

If you:

• feel anxious bringing things up

• feel guilty for needing reassurance

• feel small after arguments

• feel like you love harder than you’re loved

You might be chosen but not valued.

And love shouldn’t feel like something you have to survive🖤

What to actually do when you realize this

This part matters.

You don’t have to leave tomorrow.
But you do need to shift.

First: stop performing.
Stop trying to be easier, cooler, less emotional.

Love isn’t something you earn by shrinking.

Second: say what you need once.
Not in a fight.
Not crying.
Just calm and clear.

Then pay attention.

Someone who values you adjusts.
Someone who doesn’t explains.

Third: stop proving your worth.
You don’t need to convince someone to treat you well 💅
If they don’t see it, that’s information, not a challenge.

And ask yourself the real question:
Do I feel safe being fully myself here?

Not “do they love me.”
Safety comes first.

The part people usually learn too late

You don’t need to be chosen harder.
You need to be valued properly.

And the moment you stop settling for half-love,
you stop feeling confused,
you stop feeling desperate,
you stop feeling small.

Because real love doesn’t ask you to disappear to keep it.

Take a second with this 💭

• Do I feel emotionally safe here?

• Do I feel respected when things get hard?

• Do I feel more like myself or less?

• If nothing changed, how would I feel six months from now?

Your body already knows 🤍
Trust it.

🎧 Song for this chapter

Lana Del Rey – Young and Beautiful
Because sometimes the real fear isn’t losing love
it’s wondering if you’ll still be loved when you stop performing, proving, and bending yourself to fit💔✨

Felipa XOXO💌